Social Events for Wednesday, December 16, 2015

• “Heart2Heart Connections” for Widows – Wednesday, December 16, 2015, from 10am-11:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA
• 
• “Coffee & Handshakes” for Widowers – Wednesday, December 16, 2015, from 8am-9:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA.

Upcoming Seminar on Monday, December 14: “Honoring the Memory of Your Loved One During the Holidays”

Do you find yourself dreading this holiday season? So many bereaved express concerns about this particular time of year and how they are going to “deal” with the changes of not having their loved one with them. This seminar will give you many ideas for ways to honor your loved one’s memory during this holiday season. You will also benefit from being in the midst of others who are dealing with many of the same questions and concerns.

When?—December 14 from 6pm-7pm

Where?--LCCU Conference Room (#140) Louisiana Central Credit Union Building at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

Social Event for Thursday, November 19, 2015: “Haven of Hope” for Adult Children & Grandchildren

On Thursday, November 19, 2015, St. Joseph Hospice will host our “Haven of Hope” social event for the adult children & grandchildren of our St. Joseph Hospice patients. You are invited to attend this bi-monthly event, designed specifically to create a connection between the adult children of our St. Joseph Hospice patients. This is a social group, and NOT a support group, although you should feel a sense of support as a result of the social interaction.

For each meeting, we will provide a light meal (i.e., finger sandwiches w/dessert and tea/water). No registration needed. For more information, please call Kim at (504) 734-0140 or contact via e-mail at ksmith@stjosephhospice.com.

TIME: 6pm-7:30pm

LOCATION:

St. Joseph Hospice & Palliative Care

824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

LCCU Conference Room 140

New Orleans, LA 70123

Social Events for Wednesday, November 18, 2015

• “Heart2Heart Connections” for Widows – Wednesday, November 18, 2015, from 10am-11:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA
• 
• “Coffee & Handshakes” for Widowers – Wednesday, November 18, 2015, from 8am-9:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA.  (NOTE THE NEW TIME BEGINNING THIS MONTH)

Upcoming Seminar on Monday, November 9: “Handling the Holidays”

Each year we receive more questions about how to deal with the holidays than about any other topic. As a result, we have devoted 2 monthly seminars to that topic. Have you seen specific dates coming on the upcoming calendar and cringed? Are you planning to “escape” the holidays? Please attend either one or both of these seminars and consider “attacking the holidays” instead of allowing them to “attack you.”

When?—November 9 from 6pm-7pm

Where?--LCCU Conference Room (#140) Louisiana Central Credit Union Building at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

Social Events for Wednesday, October 21, 2015

• “Heart2Heart Connections” for Widows – Wednesday, October 21, 2015, from 10am-11:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA
• 
• “Coffee & Handshakes” for Widowers – Wednesday, October 21, 2015, from 8am-9:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA.

Upcoming Seminar on Monday, October 12: “Cherishing Your Memories”

When you think of your loved one, what comes to mind—a special vacation, your wedding day, the day she was born, his graduation day, Mardi Gras parades, picnics by the lakefront…? We are going to discuss the importance of cherishing those memories and some practical suggestions of how that can be done. Please be thinking about some special memories as you prepare to come to this seminar.

When?—October 12 from 6pm-7pm

Where?--LCCU Conference Room (#140) Louisiana Central Credit Union Building at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

Social Event for Thursday, September 17, 2015: “Haven of Hope” for Adult Children & Grandchildren

On Thursday, September 17, 2015, St. Joseph Hospice will host our “Haven of Hope” social event for the adult children & grandchildren of our St. Joseph Hospice patients. You are invited to attend this bi-monthly event, designed specifically to create a connection between the adult children of our St. Joseph Hospice patients. This is a social group, and NOT a support group, although you should feel a sense of support as a result of the social interaction.

For each meeting, we will provide a light meal (i.e., finger sandwiches w/dessert and tea/water). No registration needed. For more information, please call Kim at (504) 734-0140 or contact via e-mail at ksmith@stjosephhospice.com.

TIME: 6pm-7:30pm

LOCATION:

St. Joseph Hospice & Palliative Care

824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

LCCU Conference Room 140

New Orleans, LA 70123

Social Events for Wednesday, September 16, 2015

• “Heart2Heart Connections” for Widows – Wednesday, September 16, 2015, from 10am-11:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA
• 
• “Coffee & Handshakes” for Widowers – Wednesday, September 16, 2015, from 8am-9:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA. 

“Everything I Do Is Stitched with Its Color.”

“Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.”– W.S. Merwin

Do you find this sentiment to be true in your own life?

• If so, what color is the thread? Why that color?
• As you look at the stitchwork, what picture is currently being created? How does the “special thread” add to the picture? Does it, in any way, take away from the picture you had previously been creating?
• Will it be possible to incorporate the “special thread” into your tapestry and create a beautiful piece of art?
• Does Hurricane Katrina also have a specific thread color? If so, do you still see its affect on the picture or have the colors of the last 10 years overtaken the strong impact of the “Katrina thread”?

Copyright © 2015 by Kim Smith

 

Upcoming Seminar on Monday, September 14: “Complicated Mourning”

This seminar has been designed to address the topic of complicated mourning. What are the factors predictive of complicated mourning? Is there anything you can do to keep mourning from becoming “complicated?” If so, what might that be? How do you determine whether what you are experiencing is a normal part of the grief process or something that might need some therapeutic intervention.

When?—September 14 from 6pm-7pm

Where?--LCCU Conference Room (#140) Louisiana Central Credit Union Building at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

Sesame Street: “When Families Grieve Message for Families: The Memory Box”

Did You Lose Your “Co-Rememberer?”

“The pleasure of remembering had been taken from me, because there was no longer anyone to remember with. It felt like losing your co-rememberer meant losing the memory itself, as if the things we’d done were less real and important than they had been hours before.”

John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

I can’t say I had encountered the term “co-rememberer” until I read the quote above. Possibly you lost a “co-rememberer” of a specific season of your life, such as former teammate with whom you shared a common goal and accomplishments. You may, however, have lost a “co-rememberer” of a lifetime. One example of this could be a parent who has, not only known you from birth til now, but maybe that parent has remained an integral part of your life, possibly becoming your closest friend after you reached adulthood. Maybe your “co-rememberer” was your spouse, with whom you shared your hopes, dreams, pains, sorrows, for the majority of your life? What about a sibling? A sibling may be your playmate in childhood, your rival in your teen years and your best encourager in adulthood, being a part of your life for longer than a parent, spouse or child.

The loss of a “co-rememberer” is loss of your history and a loss you will need to work through. If this is the case for you, how have you attempted to capture the shared memories, so they will not be lost forever? Maybe you have created a scrapbook or a memory box, in which you have placed special pictures, sayings, clippings, and other memorabilia. Any other suggestions? If you have any, please place in the comment box below, so others can benefit from your activity or ritual.

“…The Only One Who Knows What My Heart Sounds Like from the Inside.”

“No one can know how much I love you, because you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.”  (Unknown Author)

What happens when “the only one who knows what [your] heart sounds like from the inside” is no longer here to listen? Just take a moment to let that question set in. It has been my observation that rarely someone knows another intimately enough to truly know her heart. When you do meet a person such as this, the connection is a gift to be treasured. Then, when that gift is taken from you, how do you respond? The loss of anyone you love will change you, but the loss of someone who knows your innermost self can shake you to your core.

If this has been your experience, how have you been able to cope so far? Have you done something specific you have found helpful? If so, would you be willing to share a little of your experience in the comment box, so that others can benefit from what you have learned?

For a Moment, Did I “Forget” Him?

Downton Abbey, a British period drama, has been one of those TV shows which has captured the interest of viewers from the series beginning. As early as the first episode, the writers approached the subject of grief, with the family receiving word of the deaths of loved ones who had been on the infamous Titanic maiden voyage. 

One of the members of the Crawley family, around whom the drama is set, gave us our quote for today: “Yes, but you see, I have this feeling that when I laugh or read a book or hum a tune, that it means that I’ve forgotten him, just for a moment and it’s that, that I cannot bear.” (Violet Crawley, Downton Abbey)

Have you ever felt like Violet? Have you been out with friends and for a brief few moments, you found yourself having fun and then your loved one flashed to mind, and a wave of guilt swept over you? You may have stopped in your tracks and said something to yourself, such as “how dare I be laughing?”, feeling as though this moment of pleasure was, in some way, a betrayal of your loved one.

As difficult as those moments can be, it may help you to know those are a normal part of the grief process. Finding the balance of what “was”, what “is” and what “will be” can be very challenging. The thoughts of moving into the present moment without your loved one and maybe even more the future, can be overwhelming. Accommodation of the loss into your life, at the same time trying to figure out how to live in the here and now, can appear as a never-ending tug of war of the heart. Hang on! You’ll get there, and be guaranteed you will never forget your loved one, but you will honor their memory as you choose to live, moment by moment, day by day, finding morsels of joy as you strive to walk forward.

Copyright © 2015 by Kim Smith

Social Events for Wednesday, August 19, 2015

• “Heart2Heart Connections” for Widows – Wednesday, August 19, 2015, from 10am-11:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA
• 
• “Coffee & Handshakes” for Widowers – Wednesday, August 19, 2015, from 8am-9:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA. 

Upcoming Seminar on Monday, August 10: “’Nobody Can Help You With Your Grief’ and Other Misconceptions”

This seminar has been designed to dispel some of the common misconceptions of grief. By now you have probably encountered quite a few of them, such as “Tears of grief are only a sign of weakness;” “Being upset and openly mourning means you are ‘weak’ in your faith;” “You should try not to think about the person who died on holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays,” and (my personal favorite) “After someone you love dies, the goal should be to ‘get over’ your grief as soon as possible.”

When?—August 10 from 6pm-7pm

Where?--LCCU Conference Room (#140) Louisiana Central Credit Union Building at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

“Grief Can Be a Burden But Also an Anchor..” (Sarah Dessen)

Moments ago, I ran across this quote from Sarah Dessen from The Truth About Forever: “Grief can be a burden but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, to how it holds you to a place.” I have to admit, as of this moment, I am unsure exactly what I think about the proposal of grief as an “anchor” in a positive context.

So, it is time to poll the “audience.” What do you think? Is there a way in which grief can have positive benefits on your life by helping you be more grounded? Why or why not?

“I Would’ve Loved You Anyway” by Trisha Yearwood

“I Would’ve Loved You Anyway” is a song about a choice made years before that the writer would repeat, even knowing the pain he or she would eventually endure. How about you? Knowing how you feel as you deal with the loss of your loved one, would you make the same choice again?

When a heart is broken, one can be tempted to second-guess decisions of the past, and think thoughts such as, “If I had only known, I would have never said ‘yes’ to the first date, and then I wouldn’t be feeling this pain.” or “If I just hadn’t gone so far out on that limb, the fall would not have been as painful.” Yet, if you could truly go back and make that choice again, with the knowledge you have now, would you really hold back or not take the plunge, or would you proclaim with the songwriter, “I Would’ve Loved You Anyway”?

“Grief Knits Two Hearts…” (4-Session Support Group Coming Soon)

I simply love the quote below and have definitely found this to be true, as I have been privileged to watch support group members connect with others and gain encouragement over the last few years. It can truly be a moment of healing when you can look into the eyes of another and see true recognition of the pain you are experiencing. You are reminded, “I really am not the only one.”

We are offering a 4-Session Support Group for our St. Joseph Hospice family and friends. The sessions will meet the first four Thursdays in August Louisiana Central Credit Union Building Conference Room 140 at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.from 6:00pm-7:30pm.

The group will discuss different aspects of the grief process, using Dr. William Worden’s Task Model of the Mourning Process as a general framework.

August 6 Accepting the Reality of the Loss

August 13 Working Through the Pain of Grief

August 20 Adjusting to an Environment in Which the Deceased is Missing

August 27 Emotionally Relocating the Deceased and Embracing Life Again

A small evening meal will be provided for each group meeting.

If you would like to register or just have questions, please call Kim at (504) 734-0140 or contact via e-mail at ksmith@stjosephhospice.com.

“…Some Beauty Lingers on in Each Memory…”

As I read this poem moments ago, my heart was touched especially by the second half: “But we can know that nothing that is loved is ever lost, and no one who has ever touched a heart can really pass away, because some beauty lingers on in each memory of which they’ve been a part!” (Ellen Brenneman) My mind immediately flew to those I’ve loved and lost and how, in a split second, I can bring back a memory and feel my heart impacted again. How about you? What are the “memories” you visit which touch your heart? Even in absentia, those we love have the ability to encourage us through the gift of memory.

Copyright © 2015 by Kim Smith

“There Is a Sacredness in Tears…”

How many times have I had someone begin to tear up when they are speaking about their loved one, and their knee-jerk reaction is to apologize for their tears? I encourage them to instead let them flow and  to be thankful for the God-given ability to cry and allow some of the pain to “leak out.”

Washington Irving proposes “there is a sacredness in tears” and “they speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.” I definitely agree with him. I think about some of my own experiences. Last night I wiped the tear from the cheek of someone I dearly love. For me, that was a moment frozen in time…the image flashes to my mind as I type.

Have the tears of another ever touched your heart in a manner mere words could never reach? Maybe someone just sat silently and cried with you as you allowed your pain to flow. I’m betting you will never forget that person and the love for you which flowed visibly out in their tears.

 

Copyright © 2015 by Kim Smith

Social Event for Thursday, July 16, 2015: “Haven of Hope” for Adult Children & Grandchildren

On Thursday, July 16, 2015, St. Joseph Hospice will host our “Haven of Hope” social event for the adult children & grandchildren of our St. Joseph Hospice patients. You are invited to attend this bi-monthly event, designed specifically to create a connection between the adult children of our St. Joseph Hospice patients. This is a social group, and NOT a support group, although you should feel a sense of support as a result of the social interaction.

For each meeting, we will provide a light meal (i.e., finger sandwiches w/dessert and tea/water). No registration needed. For more information, please call Kim at (504) 734-0140 or contact via e-mail at ksmith@stjosephhospice.com.

TIME: 6pm-7:30pm

LOCATION:

St. Joseph Hospice & Palliative Care

824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

LCCU Conference Room 140

New Orleans, LA 70123

Social Events for Wednesday, July 15, 2015

• “Heart2Heart Connections” for Widows – Wednesday, July 15, 2015, from 10am-11:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA
• 
• “Coffee & Handshakes” for Widowers – Wednesday, July 15, 2015, from 8am-9:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA. 

“They Say Time Heals All Wounds…”

Last year, I wrote a blog post on the fallacy that time heals all wounds. Yet, I had never run across the quote to the right until moments ago.  I would love your comments regarding the validity of the author’s reasoning. Do you agree, disagree, or partially agree? What has been your personal experience?

Upcoming Seminar on Monday, July 13: “Griefbursts: What They Are and How to Deal With Them”

This seminar has been designed to explain the phenomena of “griefbursts” or “grief attacks.” They are sudden, sharp feelings of grief that can cause anxiety and pain, w

hich may seem to come out of nowhere. Griefbursts are a normal, yet disconcerting, part of the grief process. We will discuss how to recognize them, but even more about how to deal with them when they occur.

When?—July 13 from 6pm-7pm

Where?--LCCU Conference Room (#140) Louisiana Central Credit Union Building at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

The Capacity to Grieve

What do you think of the statement, “The capacity to grieve is as much a part of us as the capacity to love”? Do you agree or disagree? Why or why not?

I definitely agree. From my observations of human nature, from the very young to the not so young, I see the natural response to experience grief when someone with whom you have an emotional tie is absent. For instance, this grief reaction may occur in a toddler within moments of when he has last seen his loved one. All he knows is that he wants the person and she is not in his grasp, and he has yet to reach the understanding that the person will return or he will return to her. His reaction to his perceived loss is as natural as the love he has placed in the person.

Often I’m asked about children and grief. Do little ones grieve? My response is always the same: “If they are old enough to love, they are old enough to grieve.” Yes, there grief response may look very different from that of an adult, but they will mourn their loss in their own way on and on their own level. for some information about children’s grief reactions, follow this link to “Children’s Grief Responses” by Dr. Mary M. Lyles.

“Tears in Heaven” by Eric Clapton

Until moments ago, I had never heard the full story behind Eric Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven,” written as an expression of his grief regarding the death of his 4 1/2 year old son. If you would like to see it, I have put the video below the music video.

No matter whose death you might be mourning, “Tears in Heaven” can be a song which will touch you where you are in your pain. However, if your loss was of a child, this song will be especially for you.

A few of the lyrics describe the types of questions I have heard from our bereaved, no matter who they have lost:

“Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?”

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?”

These lyrics are especially comforting to many:

“Beyond the door,
There's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven.”

When Father’s Day Is Challenging

As this Father’s Day is approaching, I know the emotions inside of many of you have been stirring. You walk into a pharmacy or a department store and you are hit in the face by cards and gift ideas. You drive down the road and see a sign which says, “Hey Pop.” TV Commercials? Hallmark Movies? The Father’s Day reminders are everywhere this time of year, and those reminders are good and comforting for many. Yet, these reminders can be painful to others. Maybe you are an adult child missing your dad. You could be a mother who is missing the father of her children. You could even be a father who is missing your child (If this last one is you, the next blog post will be specifically designed with you in mind.)

In my opinion, “Dance with My Father” is one of the most heartfelt songs ever written regarding the death of a father. Grab a tissue or two before you watch, and allow the song to touch your heart. If you need someone to talk with during this emotional time, please don’t hesitate to call me (Kim) at 504-734-0140 or e-mail me at ksmith@stjosephhospice.com.

Father’s Day Edition: Lessons Learned (2015 Posting)

“My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.” ~

Clarence Budington Kelland

You’ve probably heard it said that “lessons are better caught than taught.” What lessons did you “catch” from your father and how could you put one or more of those lessons into practice this Father’s Day?

Lesson Learned: ___________________________________________________________________

How I Will Begin Applying This Lesson: ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Father’s Day Edition: “What Can I Do to Honor My Dad’s Memory This Father’s Day?” (2015 Posting)

Father’s Day is a special day in American culture...a day set aside to honor our fathers and/or those who have filled that father-role in our lives. Traditionally, this is a day of celebration, but for many each year, the day is one more reminder that our earthly fathers are no longer with us.

Just like the other “special” days in the calendar year, please consider making a plan for how you will spend this Father’s Day. The following ideas were part of an article on Neil Chetnik’s (author of FatherLoss: How Sons Deal with the Deaths of Their Dads) website, www.fatherloss.com. (Note: These ideas could also be adapted & used for other “special” days.)

• Be a mentor to a child whose father has died or who has no father in his life.
• Write a Father's Day card focusing on the things that you loved or appreciated about your dad.
• Wear an article of your father's clothing.
• If your father loved music, spend an hour listening to his favorite album.
• If your dad loved wood-working, use his saws, hammer and wood to build something simple or begin a new project.
• Cook your father's favorite meal for your family or friends.
• Read one of the books that your father loved.
• Donate some money to your father's favorite cause.
• Contact a current father-figure in your life whom you admire and tell him so.
• If you are a father, focus on being the best father you can be to your children.

I hope these suggestions have been helpful, but if you feel that you or someone you care about needs additional support, has questions about what he/she is experiencing, or would like information about services available to him/her, please don’t hesitate to call me at (504) 734-0140 or e-mail Kim at ksmith@stjosephhospice.com.

Books to Assist With Father Loss (Father's Day Edition 2015)

FOR SONS:

• FatherLoss: How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Deaths of Their Dads by Neil Chetnik
• When Your Father Dies: How a Man Deals with the Loss of His Father by Dave Veerman & Bruce Barton

FOR DAUGHTERS:

• Fatherless Women: How We Change After We Lose Our Dads by Clea Simon

“When the Last Teardrop Falls” by Blaque

As I search the internet for different topics regarding the grief journey, I am overwhelmed by the number of songs which have been written about loss. They vary, not only in lyrics, but also in the manner in which the soundtrack can move you. I just listened to one which seemed almost like a “funeral dirge” and then I came upon this one which for me was more hopeful. Although the writer acknowledges that even when the emotional pain lessens, the memories will always remain.

“When the last teardrop falls
I'll still be holdin' on to all of our memories
And all of what used to be

When the last teardrop falls
I will stand tall
And know that you're here with me in my heart
When the last tear drop falls”

(Accessed online at http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/blaque/whenthelastteardropfalls.html)

Social Events for Wednesday, June 17, 2015 (NOTE: NEW TIME & LOCATION FOR "COFFEE & HANDSHAKES")

• “Heart2Heart Connections” for Widows – Wednesday, June 17, 2015, from 10am-11:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA
• 
• “Coffee & Handshakes” for Widowers – Wednesday, June 17, 2015, from 8am-9:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA. 

Upcoming Seminar on Monday, June 8: “Seasons of Grief”

This seminar has been designed to guide participants as they look at a full calendar year and the myriad of events (i.e., anniversaries, birthdays, hurricane season, Mardi Gras, changes in weather, JazzFest, tax season) which may trigger emotions in the individual griever. When you can see the events coming and prepare a plan to deal with them, the events are often less painful or some of them can even become chances to make new memories, if handled in a thoughtful manner.

When?—June 8 from 6pm-7pm

Where?--LCCU Conference Room (#140) Louisiana Central Credit Union Building at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

“You Will Never Be Forgotten” by Jessica Andrews

Who is it in your life that will “never be forgotten?”

“Women Do Not Understand Male Grief….” Do You Agree?

I was exploring The Grief Toolbox website a moment ago and came upon a most interesting article by Mark Mercer entitled “What Women Should Know About Male Grief.” Here is how the article begins:

"Men grieve far more than we show or discuss.”

The first thing women should know about male grief is that we have a lot of it. It is pushed into many darkened corners of our lives. We try to stay very, very busy.

Per my observations over the years, I definitely agree with Mr. Mercer’s opening statements. What about you? Whether male or female, do you agree that “men grieve far more than [they] show or discuss”? If you would like to comment publicly, use the comment box below.

He also tells one particular story I would like you to read and ponder:

So whenever possible men resort to physical expressions of grief. In its healthier forms this would be some type of vigorous manual labor. A bereaved father once told me that he got a pile of wood and spent hours in his workshop, sawing boards. He wasn't building anything, just sawing. He was conscious that he was releasing powerful feelings by the strenuous and repetitive exercise, which served no purpose whatever other than to be strenuous, repetitive, and release powerful feelings. It would be fair to say that he converted his tears into sweat.

What other physical expressions of grief have you observed, either in male or female grievers? The first example which comes to my mind is mourning through an athletic venue, whether running, boxing, swimming, etc. Any examples you can think of and would like to share so others might better understand this topic?

There are many other points I could pull out and comment on, but my favorite line in the article is this one: “Women do not understand male grief. That is largely because men don't understand it either.” For any of the male readers of this blog, do you agree? If so, why or why not? I would love to receive some feedback from you, either via the comment box or at ksmith@stjosephhospice.com.

Copyright © 2015 by Kim Smith

“Wings of a Butterfly” by Jimmy Scott

I cannot possibly tell you the number of times our bereaved have been comforted with the appearance of a butterfly. I ran across this sweet song today and hope it may warms your heart.

Social Event on Thursday, May 21, 2015: “Haven of Hope” for Adult Children & Grandchildren

On Thursday, May 21, 2015, St. Joseph Hospice will host our “Haven of Hope” social event for the adult children of our St. Joseph Hospice patients. You are invited to attend this bi-monthly event, designed specifically to create a connection between the adult children & grandchildren of our St. Joseph Hospice patients. This is a social group, and NOT a support group, although you should feel a sense of support as a result of the social interaction.
For each meeting, we will provide a light meal (i.e., finger sandwiches w/dessert and tea/water). No registration needed. For more information, please call Kim at (504) 734-0140 or contact via e-mail at ksmith@stjosephhospice.com.


TIME: 6pm-7:30pm


LOCATION:
St. Joseph Hospice & Palliative Care
824 Elmwood Park Blvd.
LCCU Conference Room 140
New Orleans, LA 70123

Mother’s Day Edition: Life Lessons (2015 Posting)

“Honor the life lessons you learned from your mother.”

(From Grieving the Death of a Mother by Harold Ivan Smith)

What better way could you honor the memory of your mother this Mother’s Day than to reflect upon the lessons you learned from her and to put one or more of them into practice?

Lesson Learned: _____________________________________________________

How I Will Begin Applying This Lesson: __________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

“The Hardest Part Was….”

Many times in our groups, a discussion arises around “the hardest part” of the participants’ grief journey so far. Often, what they anticipated to be the most difficult challenges were not as bad as they thought they would be, but another hurdle hit them seemingly out of nowhere and sent them reeling. Here are just a few examples I have heard:

“The hardest part was….”

• the day I had to check the “widowed” box on my tax return.
• when I had to be hospitalized and realized you would not be there to comfort and advocate for me.
• when I saw our first grandchild graduate from high school and knew just how proud you would have been.
• witnessed the birth of _______ and knew just how excited you would have been.

So, how about you? If you were to finish the phrase “The hardest part was ____________________________________________,” what would you place in the blank and why? Feel free to share your response in the comment section below or via e-mail at ksmith@stjosephhospice.com.

Mother’s Day Edition: Might Forgiveness Be A Good Gift? (2015 Posting)

Even the best relationships between mothers and their children have moments of “I wish I’d said” or “I wish I hadn’t done.” Those moments are on both the parental and the child side of the relationship.
One of the biggest hurdles in the grief process is unforgiveness. The unforgiveness could be something you hold against your mother, something for which you feel you didn’t receive her forgiveness, or forgiveness you are withholding from yourself. Might this Mother’s Day be a good day to give the gift of forgiveness?

Social Events for Wednesday, May 20, 2015 (NOTE: NEW TIME & LOCATION FOR "COFFEE & HANDSHAKES")

• “Heart2Heart Connections” for Widows – Wednesday, May 20, 2015, from 10am-11:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA
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• “Coffee & Handshakes” for Widowers – Wednesday, May 20, 2015, from 8am-9:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., LCCU Conference Room 140, NOLA.  

“What Year Is Good for Your Child to Die?” (Carol Anne Collum)

As this Mother’s Day is fast-approaching, my heart aches for mothers who are missing their children especially on that day. “A Letter to God” by Carol Anne Cullum is one mother’s expression of her grief regarding her adult son, who died of a brain aneurysm. I suggest you have tissue ready before you read her writing. However, please don’t avoid reading it either. Whether you are a parent who has had a child die or you are someone who can’t even imagine being in that position, I believe her writing will touch your heart. For those of us who can only imagine the pain she is feeling, reading her heartfelt expression may help us better understand those around us who have been called to walk a similar path to hers.

In her writing she brings up the point that those around her do not know what to say to her, and so they often, in their feeble attempts to comfort, say things such as: “Be grateful you had him for so many years." She goes on to respond with the question: “What year is good for your child to die?” As we all know, there is no appropriate response except silence. My wish is that this question will remind each of us to be very careful in our choice of words when speaking to those who are grieving, realizing silent support of your presence may be the best “advice” you can give to them.

Note also this section of her prayer:

So, let me feel calm. Let me breathe deeply. Be with me and hold my hand in this deep and transforming pain. I now carry this darkness with me on my back and in my heart, always. It is my constant burden and my companion. Lord, there is not a single minute of my life when this loss is not etched so keenly into my brain and heart, whether it is in the middle of a busy day or in those choking moments of grief in the solitary dark of night.

If you might feel so lead, please take a moment to pray (whatever that might mean to you) for those who will be missing their children especially this Mother’s Day (or Father’s Day) and consider giving them the “gift of your presence.”

 

Copyright © 2015 by Kim Smith

Upcoming Seminar on Monday, May 11: “What Makes My Grief Journey Unique?”

This seminar has been designed to give an overview of some of the basic factors which make each person’s grief experience unique to him or her, such as his relationship with the person who died or her own personality. You may have heard the phrase: “I know how you feel.” Yet, no one can truly know how you feel, because your journey is unique to you. Understanding the factors which affect your journey may help you navigate.

When?—May 11 from 6pm-7pm

Where?--LCCU Conference Room (#140) Louisiana Central Credit Union Building at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

No registration required, but for more information, please contact Kim at (504) 734-0140 or ksmith@stjosephhospice.com.

Mother’s Day Edition: “How Am I Going to ‘Get Through’ Mother’s Day This Year?” (2015 Posting)

Mother’s Day is a special day in American culture...a day set aside to honor our mothers and/or those who have filled that mother-role in our lives. Traditionally, this is a day of celebration, but for many each year, the day is one more reminder that our earthly mothers are no longer with us.

Just like the other “special” days in the calendar year, I strongly suggest that you make a plan for how you will spend this Mother’s Day. The following ideas are just a few of many found in Harold Ivan Smith’s Grieving the Death of a Mother (Note: These ideas could also be adapted & used for other “special” days.)

– Donate to a worthy cause in honor of your mother (i.e., If your mother was a teacher, you might choose to establish a scholarship for someone pursuing a teaching degree.)

– Do a mitzvah, or good deed, in honor of your mother (i.e., Buy or make something from scratch and give to someone who would appreciate it.)

– Write a poem or a song about your mother. Consider using this sentence to get you started: “I never realized that my mother could…”

– Refinish a piece of your mother’s furniture (Either for you or to give as a gift to someone dear to your mother.)

– Become a companion to someone who is also experiencing motherloss. (You may feel as though you are the only one going through this kind of pain, but I can assure you, there are many who can relate and wouldappreciate a companion on their grief journey.)

– Cook your mother’s favorite recipes. Make copies of the recipes or even put together a recipe book, so that the recipes can be passed on to future generations.

I hope these suggestions have been helpful, but if you feel that you or someone you care about needs additional support, has questions about what he/she is experiencing, or would like information about services available to him/her, please don’t hesitate to call me at (504) 734-0140 or e-mail me at ksmith@stjosephhospice.com.