Does Time Really Heal All Wounds?

I'm guessing that nearly every one of us have heard the old adage, "Time Heals All Wounds." Yet, does "time" itself really have healing properties? From the multiple interactions I have had with our bereaved family members and friends over the years, I would beg to differ. I would submit it is what you do with the time that determines whether your wounds heal or if they become infected. Think about it from a medical perspective. If you have a serious physical wound on your body, does "time" alone heal the wound? The obvious answer to that question is "no." If you do not properly clean and treat the wound, chances are good that time will only allow the wound to become infected, instead of healing properly on its own. Why would we assume that a “heart wound” would heal automatically due to time?
So, if time doesn’t heal all wounds, do they make Neosporin for the heart? Well, sadly, there is not a simple, topical remedy for a “heart wound” (if you were to invent one, you would be an instant millionaire). Yet, that does not mean there is no treatment for your wound. Just like with physical wounds, a vast majority of them can be treated by the wounded individual himself/herself, without professional intervention. However, there are some “heart wounds” which will need the help of a grief professional, due to the severity of the wound.
Be patient with yourself. Realize that just as a serious physical wound does not heal overnight, neither will a heart wound. Make sure that you take care of yourself physically—(1) Appropriate amount of sleep; (2) Proper nutrition and hydration; (3) Exercise—if you can be approved by a physician to do such. Be mindful of your emotional health as well and realize that you may experience many emotions at once. If spirituality is important to you, this might be a time in which you pursue your faith tradition more diligently before. Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually will go a long ways in giving you the resources you will need to help your “heart wound” heal properly.
If you need further assistance or possibly some ideas for healing your heart, please contact Kim at 504-734-0140 or via e-mail at stjosephnober@yahoo.com.

Copyright © 2014 by Kim Smith

Even if There Are a Few Pieces Missing, Why Not Finish the Puzzle Anyway?

A couple of years ago one of our Heart2Heart Connections’ (our social group for widows) participants wrote these thought-provoking words: “Losing a spouse is like finishing a jigsaw puzzle and finding there’s a piece missing. You’ve still accomplished something and the puzzle is pretty; it’s just not all there.” I wonder how many of you who have had your spouse die would agree with those words.
As I’ve thought about these words, I’ve thought about how they could also be applied to many other losses. For instance, in the past, I had a mother whose adult child had left tell me that although she may find happiness in the time she has left here, the happiness would never be as much as it would have been if her child had been able to experience life with her. How true that was.
Yet, how can we take this idea, not as discouragement that our life puzzle will never be fully “complete”, but use it as encouragement to move back toward the puzzle table? Well, even though at the end of our lives, the puzzle may have not been 100% as it would have been if we had all of those we love with us for the duration of the journey, that does not have to mean that at the moment of their leaving, we take all the puzzle pieces off the table, throw them in the box and say “I’m through!” Sadly, I’ve seen a few people over the years do just that. However, the majority of us leave the puzzle on the table, not really doing much with it for quite some time after our loved one has left, not having the energy or motivation to even look at it, let alone put a piece in place. Yet, as we move further down the road to healing, we may find ourselves back at the table, slowly placing a piece or two in place, realizing there is still beauty in life to be seen and experienced. Is it time for you to return to the table, take your time and search out the perfect next piece to your puzzle?

Copyright © 2014 by Kim Smith

Upcoming Seminar on Monday, April 14: “Is What I Am Feeling ‘Normal’?”

This seminar has been designed to provide participants education regarding the psychological, social, and physical effects of grief. As grievers, we tend to be caught off guard by the variety of emotions we may experience and the intensity of those emotions. No two people process the death of a loved one the same way, but knowing how grief has and continues to affect others can sometimes help normalize what one is experiencing.

When?—April 14 from 6pm-7:00pm.

Where?--LCCU Conference Room (#140) Louisiana Central Credit Union Building at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

Link to “Grief and Regret in Prolonged Illness” by Kenneth J. Doka, PhD

Link to “Grief and Regret in Prolonged Illness” by Kenneth J. Doka, PhD 

Social Event for Thursday, March 20, 2014

On Thursday, March 20, 2014, St. Joseph Hospice will host our “Haven of Hope” social event for the adult children of our St. Joseph Hospice patients. You are invited to attend this bi-monthly event, designed specifically to create a connection between the adult children of our St. Joseph Hospice patients. This is a social group, and NOT a support group, although you should feel a sense of support as a result of the social interaction.

For each meeting, we will provide a light meal (i.e., finger sandwiches w/dessert and coffee/tea/water). No registration needed.

For more information, please call Kim at (504) 734-0140 or contact via e-mail at stjosephnober@yahoo.com.

TIME: 6pm-7:30pm

LOCATION:

St. Joseph Hospice & Palliative Care

824 Elmwood Park Blvd. Ste. 155

New Orleans, LA 70123

Social Events on Wednesday, March 19, 2014

• “Heart2Heart Connections” for Widows – Wednesday, March 19, 2014, from 10am-11:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., NOLA, LCCU Conference Room #140
• “Coffee & Handshakes” for Widowers – Wednesday, March 19, 2014, from 10am-11:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., Ste 155, NOLA, St. Joseph Bereavement Office