The Sunrise After the Darkness

Recently I read an amazing article in “Chicken Soup for the Soul: Grieving and Recovery-101 Inspirational and Comforting Stories about Surviving the Loss of a Loved One,” and I was especially struck by the last line: “Sometimes, before we can find the sunrise, we must find courage to walk into the darkness” (Sandra E. Maddox, p.65). I was reminded of just how many times each year I say to our bereaved, “the best way to deal with the emotional pain which comes as a result of any loss is to go through it. You can try to go over it, under it, or even try to run from it, but eventually, you will still have to go through it in order to get to the other side.”
In our recent support group session #2, we discussed many ways that we as grievers attempt to bypass what Dr. William Worden’s has indicated as his 2nd Task of Mourning, “Working through the Pain of Grief.”

• Attempted avoidance of remembrances of your loved one (i.e., removing pictures, refusing to speak his name, avoiding places which remind you of past events or of your life with her, cancelling holiday celebrations);
• Self-medicating by the use of chemical substances, such as alcohol or drugs, either prescribed or non-prescribed;
• Jumping into an emotionally charged relationship in order to fill the void left by your loved one’s leaving;
• Keeping “busy,” in order to avoid the moments of solitude which bring about reflection;
• Focusing on one specific emotion in the grief process, such as anger at God, doctors, or yourself, in attempt to avoid dealing with the pain from the separation.
• _______________________________ (you can fill in the blank with your avoidance avenues).

Years ago I met a young lady who was one of the prime examples of avoidance I have ever encountered. For the first 2 years after her husband’s death, she self-medicated with alcohol. When she “awoke” and looked around, she found that all of her husband’s personal items were just as he left them. She also found that the ache in her heart was no less than in the beginning, and she made a choice at that point—to walk into the darkness in hopes that she would eventually find her way through. Because this was over 2 years after the death, any social and family support she would have had in the beginning had long moved on to their own lives, so she had to reach out for professional support. I will not say that her journey through the darkness was easy, but I will say that she eventually did see a sunrise and was able to embrace life again.
As you may have seen in others or as you may have yourself experienced, attempts at avoidance of the darkness of the thoughts and emotions of grief work only for a season.  If you want to ever see the sunrise and embrace life again, you must be willing to walk into and through the darkness. If you have any questions, comments, or need any assistance, please don’t hesitate to call me (Kim) at 504-734-0140.

Sources:
“Chicken Soup for the Soul: Grieving and Recovery-101 Inspirational and Comforting Stories about Surviving the Loss of a Loved One.”
Worden, J. William. “Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner (3rd Edition). Springer Publishing Company: New York. 2002.

Copyright © 2014 by Kim Smith