“..Trying to Make Up Their Minds Whether They’ll ‘Say Something About It’…”

I ran across this quote just now, and I thought it was definitely worth sharing:

“I see people, as they approach me, trying to make up their minds whether they'll 'say something about it' or not. I hate if they do, and if they don't.”― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed 

I’m guessing each of us understand this quote, both from the point of view of a griever, as well as from the point of view of one in the life of a griever.

Even though in my “day job” I deal with those who are grieving on a daily basis, I still struggle when it comes to how to deal with someone who is grieving, especially when this is someone I see day in and day out. There is the tug of war inside between wanting the person to know I remember and I care and not wanting to bring up the subject of her loved one in a setting or in a time she doesn’t want to talk but would rather stay focused on tasks.

I also remember being the person who was grieving. During that particular season of time, I worked in a school district where each staff member knew me and of my loss. I could see the wheels turning in the minds of those around me, trying as best they could to balance concern with allowing me to focus on the tasks of my job. Most of the time, I was hoping they would not bring up the subject of my loss, but then there were moments I wished someone would let me know he cared.

What a challenge it is to be a griever and also one who wants to support a griever! May we be patient with each other and realize there is no road map for grief and no road map on how best to support one another in grief. I think the best we can hope for is to care for each, follow our instincts, and forgive ourselves and each other when we miss the mark on a given day.

Other than the C. S. Lewis quote, Copyright © 2014 by Kim Smith