For a Moment, Did I “Forget” Him?

Downton Abbey, a British period drama, has been one of those TV shows which has captured the interest of viewers from the series beginning. As early as the first episode, the writers approached the subject of grief, with the family receiving word of the deaths of loved ones who had been on the infamous Titanic maiden voyage. 

One of the members of the Crawley family, around whom the drama is set, gave us our quote for today: “Yes, but you see, I have this feeling that when I laugh or read a book or hum a tune, that it means that I’ve forgotten him, just for a moment and it’s that, that I cannot bear.” (Violet Crawley, Downton Abbey)

Have you ever felt like Violet? Have you been out with friends and for a brief few moments, you found yourself having fun and then your loved one flashed to mind, and a wave of guilt swept over you? You may have stopped in your tracks and said something to yourself, such as “how dare I be laughing?”, feeling as though this moment of pleasure was, in some way, a betrayal of your loved one.

As difficult as those moments can be, it may help you to know those are a normal part of the grief process. Finding the balance of what “was”, what “is” and what “will be” can be very challenging. The thoughts of moving into the present moment without your loved one and maybe even more the future, can be overwhelming. Accommodation of the loss into your life, at the same time trying to figure out how to live in the here and now, can appear as a never-ending tug of war of the heart. Hang on! You’ll get there, and be guaranteed you will never forget your loved one, but you will honor their memory as you choose to live, moment by moment, day by day, finding morsels of joy as you strive to walk forward.

Copyright © 2015 by Kim Smith