"He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother"

Many of us have probably heard the old song “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother” by The Hollies. Although the grammar is not the greatest, many can relate to the sentiment contained within. There is just something special about the relationship between siblings.
As I have spent some time researching "sibling grief" for the purpose of writing this article, I have realized that this particular loss is one of the least researched and least written about losses of all (Rando, p. 153). Note what author T. J. Wray discovered after her brother's death: "For while I located countless books, articles, and self-help tapes intended to help the bereaved in coping with the death of a parent, spouse or child (and, much to my surprise, even uncovered a wealth of information dealing with the subject of pet loss), I was amazed to find that there was virtually nothing written on the subject of adult sibling grief" (Wray, p.3)
Due to this lack of emphasis on this difficult loss, I am going to make an extra effort to make sure that the topic is addressed on this blog. For instance, on June 30, 2014, a webinar from The Compassionate Friends will be featured entitled "Siblings Grieve Too." There will also be multiple blog posts addressing this specific loss. Feel free to share this blog address with others who might benefit from the information: http://stjosephnober.blogspot.com.
For this post, we are going to briefly discuss just what it is that makes sibling grief so challenging.  Some of the characteristics which may be a part of a sibling bond may include:

• This may be the longest relationship of your life.
• You may experience more life events and changes with them than with anyone else, whether pleasant or difficult.
• There is a special bond as a result of being genetically related, but also part of the same family culture (http://siblingsurvivors.com/sibling-grief/).

“What is important to remember is that sibling relationships are often marked by attachment as well as antagonism, caring as well as competition, and loyalty as well as lingering resentment” (Rando, p.154)” Your sibling may be your greatest ally one moment and your strongest competitor the next. He may “pick on you” himself and also defend you  with all his being from those who try to harm you. This type of hot and cold relationship can add to challenges in your grief process, especially when it comes to regrets.
If some of this blog has resonated with you, and you feel you could benefit from speaking with someone about what you are dealing with, please call me (Kim) at 504-734-0140 or contact via e-mail at stjosephnober@yahoo.com.
 
Sources:
Rando, Therese A. "How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies." Lexington Books: Lexington, MA, 1988.
Wray, T. J. "Surviving the Death of a Sibling." Three Rivers Press: New York, 2003.

Copyright © 2014 by Kim Smith