“What Year Is Good for Your Child to Die?” (Carol Anne Collum)

As this Mother’s Day is fast-approaching, my heart aches for mothers who are missing their children especially on that day. “A Letter to God” by Carol Anne Cullum is one mother’s expression of her grief regarding her adult son, who died of a brain aneurysm. I suggest you have tissue ready before you read her writing. However, please don’t avoid reading it either. Whether you are a parent who has had a child die or you are someone who can’t even imagine being in that position, I believe her writing will touch your heart. For those of us who can only imagine the pain she is feeling, reading her heartfelt expression may help us better understand those around us who have been called to walk a similar path to hers.

In her writing she brings up the point that those around her do not know what to say to her, and so they often, in their feeble attempts to comfort, say things such as: “Be grateful you had him for so many years." She goes on to respond with the question: “What year is good for your child to die?” As we all know, there is no appropriate response except silence. My wish is that this question will remind each of us to be very careful in our choice of words when speaking to those who are grieving, realizing silent support of your presence may be the best “advice” you can give to them.

Note also this section of her prayer:

So, let me feel calm. Let me breathe deeply. Be with me and hold my hand in this deep and transforming pain. I now carry this darkness with me on my back and in my heart, always. It is my constant burden and my companion. Lord, there is not a single minute of my life when this loss is not etched so keenly into my brain and heart, whether it is in the middle of a busy day or in those choking moments of grief in the solitary dark of night.

If you might feel so lead, please take a moment to pray (whatever that might mean to you) for those who will be missing their children especially this Mother’s Day (or Father’s Day) and consider giving them the “gift of your presence.”

 

Copyright © 2015 by Kim Smith