Father’s Day Edition: “What Can I Do to Honor My Dad’s Memory This Father’s Day?” (2014 Posting)

Father’s Day is a special day in American culture...a day set aside to honor our fathers and/or those who have filled that father-role in our lives. Traditionally, this is a day of celebration, but for many each year, the day is one more reminder that our earthly fathers are no longer with us.

Just like the other “special” days in the calendar year, please consider making a plan for how you will spend this Father’s Day. The following ideas were part of an article on Neil Chetnik’s (author of FatherLoss: How Sons Deal with the Deaths of Their Dads) website, www.fatherloss.com. (Note: These ideas could also be adapted & used for other “special” days.)

• Be a mentor to a child whose father has died or who has no father in his life.
• Write a Father's Day card focusing on the things that you loved or appreciated about your dad.
• Wear an article of your father's clothing.
• If your father loved music, spend an hour listening to his favorite album.
• If your dad loved wood-working, use his saws, hammer and wood to build something simple or begin a new project.
• Cook your father's favorite meal for your family or friends.
• Read one of the books that your father loved.
• Donate some money to your father's favorite cause.
• Contact a current father-figure in your life whom you admire and tell him so.
• If you are a father, focus on being the best father you can be to your children.

I hope these suggestions have been helpful, but if you feel that you or someone you care about needs additional support, has questions about what he/she is experiencing, or would like information about services available to him/her, please don’t hesitate to call me at (504) 734-0140 or e-mail Kim at stjosephnober@yahoo.com.

Upcoming Seminar on Monday, June 9: “Seasons of Grief”

This seminar has been designed to guide participants as they look at a full calendar year and the myriad of events (i.e., anniversaries, birthdays, hurricane season, Mardi Gras, changes in weather, JazzFest, tax season) which may trigger emotions in the individual griever. When you can see the events coming and prepare a plan to deal with them, the events are often less painful or some of them can even become chances to make new memories, if handled in a thoughtful manner.

When?—June 9 from 6pm-7pm

Where?--LCCU Conference Room (#140) Louisiana Central Credit Union Building at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

Time Limit for Grief?

“After a Child Dies” (Video from The Compassionate Friends)

The Compassionate Friends: Supporting Family After a Child Dies

“I Know How You Feel.” Really????

During our May seminar, we discussed some of the factors which make each of our grief journeys unique. Even if there were all other factors in common (which is impossible), the fact that you are a unique individual would immediately make your grief journey different than that of any other path.

Why does your grief look different than that of your co-worker? Sister? Neighbor? In Alan Wolfelt’s (Ph.D.) Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart, he recognizes 12 different factors which make our grief journeys unique:

1. Your relationship with the person who died

2. The circumstances of the death

3. The ritual or funeral experience (i.e., funeral/memorial service/celebration of life vs. no service, “corrective emotional-spiritual experience”)

4. The people in your life

5. Your unique personality

6. The unique personality of the person who died

7. Your gender

8. Your cultural background (i.e., values, rules (spoken and unspoken), and traditions that guide you and your family)

9. Your religious or spiritual background

10. Other crises or stresses in your life right now (i.e., work, finances, others sick or dying or in need of assistance, children, elderly parents, other commitments, pregnancy, in the midst of a divorce)

11. Your experiences with loss and death in the past

12. Your physical health.

In our seminar, we examine each of those factors, along with the multiple subfactors, so that each participant is able to see why her grief journey differs from that of anyone else. So, the next time someone tries to tell you, “I know how you feel,” you may be better prepared to explain to them (tactfully) just why that is an impossibility.

 

“Why Would I Ever Want to Attend a St. Joseph Hospice Memorial Service?”

With the RSVP’s for the June 14 Memorial Service due at the end of this week, I’m guessing more than a few of you are asking the question which is the title of this blog. A few years ago, I had an intern who attended our Northshore office’s Memorial Service with me. Since I knew this had been a new experience for her, I asked her opinion of the service. She responded that she enjoyed it, and I then asked why she thought that was. She explained that a SJH Memorial Service differs from a traditional funeral, because there is not a body or an urn to focus on. Instead, when one attends this type of service, the attendee is able to truly celebrate the life of her loved one with much more clarity than during those initial days after a death.

From my perspective, our memorial services have given me some of the most rewarding experiences I have had at St. Joseph Hospice. Each time, I watch family and friends walk into the service with a look of anxious anticipation on their faces. As the service progresses, I see many reaching for tissue to dry the tears which leak from their eyes. We provide a participatory ritual during each service, with the June ritual being the decorating of our Memorial Wreath. After each participant comes forward to place her flower in the precise spot of her choosing, it appears that an emotional weight is lifted in the process of placing the flower. By the time the service ends, the room appears to be a totally different place than it was in the beginning. The participants are “lighter,” laughing, joking, and reminiscing as they leave for the reception. 

If you have any questions about the service or about how to RSVP, please call me (Kim) at 504-734-0140 or via e-mail at stjosephnober@yahoo.com.

Mother’s Day Edition: Life Lessons (2014 Posting)

“Honor the life lessons you learned from your mother.”

(From Grieving the Death of a Mother by Harold Ivan Smith)

What better way could you honor the memory of your mother this Mother’s Day than to reflect upon the lessons you learned from her and to put one or more of them into practice?

Lesson Learned: _____________________________________________________

How I Will Begin Applying This Lesson: __________________________________

___________________________________________________________________