“Siblings Grieve Too” by Dr. Heidi Horsley & Dr. Gloria Horsley (The Compassionate Friends Webinar)

Upcoming Seminar on Monday, July 14: “Griefbursts: What They Are and How to Deal With Them”

This seminar has been designed to explain the phenomena of “griefbursts” or “grief attacks.” They are sudden, sharp feelings of grief that can cause anxiety and pain, which may seem to come out of nowhere. Griefbursts are a normal, yet disconcerting, part of the grief process. We will discuss how to recognize them, but even more about how to deal with them when they occur.

When?—July 14 from 6pm-7pm

Where?--LCCU Conference Room (#140) Louisiana Central Credit Union Building at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

Pouring Out Grief through Music—“Cryin’ for Me (Wayman’s Song)” by Toby Keith

Many times “grief” and “mourning” are terms which are used interchangeably, but they represent very different things. As defined by Alan Wolfelt, PhD in his “Understanding Your Grief” book:

• “Grief is the constellation of internal thoughts and feelings we have when someone we love dies. Think of grief as the container. It holds all of your thoughts, feelings, and images of your experience when you are bereaved. In other words, grief is the internal meaning given to the experience of loss.
• Mourning is when you take the grief you have on the inside and express it outside of yourself. Another way of defining is ‘grief gone public’ or ‘the outward expression of grief.’ Talking about the person who died, crying, expressing your thoughts and feelings through art or music, and celebrating special anniversary dates that held meaning for the person who died are just a few examples of mourning.” (p.22)

One of the ways some pour out their grief is through music, whether it be the singing of songs, listening to songs, or writing of songs. One of my favorite examples of this is “Cryin’ for Me (Wayman’s Song)” by country music artist Toby Keith. I have provided the lyrics below, as well as the VEVO video. One of the benefits of pouring out one’s grief through writing and recording of songs is that you open up the door for another to pour out her grief in response to your writing.  

Copyright © 2014 by Kim Smith

"Cryin' For Me (Wayman's Song)"

Got the news on Friday morning
But a tear I couldn't find
You showed me how I am supposed to live
Now you showed me how to die

I was lost til Sunday morning
I woke up to face my fear
While writing you this good bye song I found a tear

(CHORUS)
I'm going to miss that smile
I'm going to miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I’d do it all again
So play it sweet in heaven
Cause that's right where you want to be
I'm not cryin' cause I feel so sorry for you
I am cryin' for me

I got up and dialed your number
Your voice came on the line
That old familiar message
I have heard a thousand times
It just said, “Sorry that I missed you
Leave a message and God bless”
I know that you think I am crazy
But I just had to hear your voice I guess

(CHORUS)

Oh
So play your upsidedown, left-handed
Backward bass guitar
I'll see you on the other side superstar

(CHORUS)

Oh
I'm still cryin'

Obtained online on 4/1/14 at http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tobykeith/cryinformewaymanssong.html

“Do You Have a Plan for Your Special Days?”

Our June seminar topic was “Seasons of Grief,” which is our annual look at how to deal with the specific reminders on the calendar of your loved one’s death. As a participatory exercise, each participant completed a set of calendars, noting which dates she anticipates being especially difficult to deal with emotionally (i.e., birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, special days unique to each individual, anniversary of a loved one’s death).
Anyone who has ever heard me speak regarding the holidays or other special days has heard me talk about making a plan for those days. Well, what does it look like to make a plan for your special days? The very first example which came to mind was a unique plan one of our bereaved executed years ago. *Joe had been an avid fisherman and he had a particular spot on the river where he liked to go and fish. When his widow was thinking about what to do for his birthday, she came up with an ingenious idea. She planned a dinner at his riverbank spot. She transported tables and chairs to the location, so that she and her family could celebrate his birthday in his favorite place. What an incredible memory they made, as they reminisced together and helped each other through the special day.

What did your loved one like to do (i.e., hike, go to the museum, hang out in the Quarter, go to the movies, host a crawfish boil)? Did she have a favorite restaurant or hangout? Did he have a special cause which was close to his heart? Is there anyone you could reach out to on the day who would also be missing your loved one? You can use these questions and many more to stimulate your mind to come up with a plan which would best fit the particular occasion. If you need further suggestions, feel free to contact me (Kim) at 504-734-0140 or via e-mail at stjosephnober@yahoo.com.

*Names changed for confidentiality reasons.

Copyright © 2014 by Kim Smith

Link to Article “Making Peace with Dad This Father's Day” by Cindi McMenamin

Link to Article “Making Peace with Dad This Father's Day” by Cindi McMenamin, published on Crosswalk.com

June 2014 Memorial Service Recap

On Saturday, June 14, 2014, we held our Semi-Annual Memorial Service at Grace Lutheran Evangelical Church (5800 Canal Blvd., NOLA). Included in the program for this service were:

• Words of Inspiration & Presentation of Certificate to Grace Lutheran Retiring Pastor Leon Philpot

• Scripture Reading

• Congregational Songs led by our St. Joseph Hospice Friends & Family Ensemble

• Responsive Reading

• Candlelighting Ritual

• Preparation of our Memorial Wreath

• Mizpah Butterfly and Closing Remarks

Sometimes It Is Helpful to “Just Cry”

I happened upon this song last week and thought just how appropriate it is for the grief process. I see and talk with people every week who are trying to put on a brave face and “be strong,” when at the same time, they are imploding because of the strength of the emotion they are trying to hold inside. So, I have provided the “story behind the song,” the lyrics, and then the recording itself for you to hear.

“JUST CRY” BY MANDISA

Why you gotta act so strong?

Go ahead and take off your brave face

Why you telling me that nothing's wrong

It's obvious your not in a good place

Who's telling you to keep it all inside

And never let those feelings

Get past the corner of your eye

 

(CHORUS)

You don't need to run

You don't need to speak

Baby take some time

Let those prayers roll down your cheek

It maybe tomorrow

You'll be past the sorrow

But tonight it's alright

Just cry

 

I know you know your Sunday songs

A dozen verses by memory

Yeah they're good but life is hard

And days get long

You gotta know God can handle your honesty

So feel the things your feeling

Name your fears and doubts

Don't stuff your shame and sadness, loneliness and anger

Let it out, let it out

(CHORUS)

Just cry

 

It doesn't mean you don't trust him

It doesn't mean you don't believe

It doesn't mean you don't know

He's redeeming everything.

You don't need to run

You don't need to speak

Baby take some time

Let those prayers roll down your cheek

It maybe tomorrow

You'll be past the sorrow

But tonight it's alright

But tonight it's alright

Just cry

Why you gotta act so strong

Go ahead and take off your brave face

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/mandisa/justcry.html