“Reach Out-Preventing Teen Suicide” by the Mayo Clinic

Upcoming Seminar on Monday, October 13: “Cherishing Your Memories”

When you think of your loved one, what comes to mind—a special vacation, your wedding day, the day she was born, his graduation day, Mardi Gras parades, picnics by the lakefront…? We are going to discuss the importance of cherishing those memories and some practical suggestions of how that can be done. Please be thinking about some special memories as you prepare to come to this seminar.

When?—October 13 from 6pm-7pm

Where?--LCCU Conference Room (#140) Louisiana Central Credit Union Building at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

“How Grief Makes You Sick in Old Age”---What Do You Think?

Recently, I came across this most interesting article from Time magazine: “How Grief Makes You Sick in Old Age.” Just wondering what you might think of their findings. If you would like to share, please comment below.

Camp Erin—FREE Grief Camps for Children

Last week I was introduced to a nationwide organization called The Moyer Foundation. Part of their mission is to provide FREE grief camps for children. They have locations across the nation, and they expect to begin a camp in the Southeast LA area within the next couple of years. If you have an interest in this camp and their mission, you can find information and videos at this link:

Webinar: “How Do I Know If It's Grief or Depression” by Dr. Gloria Horsley, Dr. Heidi Horsley & Dr. Howard Winokuer

Dr Gloria and Dr Heidi welcome Howard R. Winokuer. Howard R. Winokuer, PhD, LPC, NCC, FT, is the co founder of TO LIFE, a not-for-profit educational and counseling organization that specializes in issues dealing with grief and loss. He has worked with thousands of people suffering from grief. He has conducted workshops and seminars throughout the United States, as well as in nine foreign countries. He has written and published extensively. Brought to you by The Open to Hope Foundation.

Just What Is A “Pupusa?”

Let’s go to Wikipedia for a little information about our yummy Haven of Hope meal for our September meeting.

“A pupusa (Spanish pronunciation: [puˈpusa], from Pipil pupusaw) is a traditional Salvadoran dish made of a thick, handmade corn tortilla (made using masa de maíz, a cornmealdough used in Latin American cuisine) that is usually filled with a blend of the following:

• cheese (queso) (usually a soft cheese called Quesillo found throughout Central America)
• cooked pork meat ground to a paste consistency (called chicharrón, not to be confused with fried pork rind, which is also known as chicharrón in some other countries)
• refried beans (frijoles refritos), or queso con loroco (loroco is a vine flower bud from Central America).” (Obtained 9/19/14 from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pupusa)

Our group members enjoyed this unique treat which was provided by one of the group participants. They also enjoyed the chance to get together and share with others who have experienced a loss similar to their own, that being the death of one or both parents.

If you are an adult child or grandchild and would like the opportunity to share with others who are walking a similar journey, please come join us for our November 20th meeting (6-7:30pm at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., Ste 145, NOLA in the SJH Bereavement Office). If you have any questions or need to directions, please feel free to call me (Kim) at 504-734-0140 or e-mail me at stjosephnober@yahoo.com.

(Sidenote: Two group participants plan to bring pizza and sausage rolls from the well-loved Mo’s Pizza in Westwego for the November meeting. Trust me, you will not go home hungry. )

“How can I benefit from the bereavement services?”

Recently I asked one of my Heart2Heart Connections’ participants to write about her experience in the group. Part of her writing will appear in the next newsletter, but I wanted to post the letter in its entirety, because I feel it might be helpful for those who may be contemplating participating in one of our groups and haven’t yet take the step out. Thanks Mrs. Anna for writing this.

“With Bay’s illness, death, arrangements and personal things to take care of, I was in a daze. I thought I could handle grief, but I was wrong. Since he died close to the holidays, I did not want to ruin my family or friends’ holidays. After the first of the year, grief seemed to smother me. All I did was cry. Finally, my daughter told me to call Kim, who had given her the information if we needed someone to talk to. Yes, my family and friends were there for me and I thank God for them, but I needed something else. When I called Kim, she told me the options that St. Joseph offered. I chose this session and believe me, I was glad to share with all who were and still are in this group. I know that everyone needs somebody to help them. With Kim guiding us, we have learned to share with one another our grief. Some members have gotten their feathers (as Kim says) and left us with the knowledge that one day that will be us. Yes, I still have bad days. Today would have been our 38th anniversary (9/15/14). Sadness and tears can come at a song we shared, a feeling I get over something we shared, but then peace comes over me. I am thankful for these memories, and I take it as a sign from Bay that he is no longer suffering and is watching over me. I know some people wonder if we will ever get over our grief. I found this poem and would like to share: THE REALITY IS THAT YOU WILL GRIEVE FOREVER, YOU WILL NOT “GET OVER IT,” YOU WILL LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT. YOU WILL HEAL AND REBUILD YOURSELF AROUND YOUR LOSS. YOU WILL BE WHOLE AGAIN, BUT NEVER THE SAME, NOR WOULD YOU WANT TO BE. I feel this is what your loved one would want for us. So to Kim, St. Joseph Hospice and to all who have shared their grief with me and listened to mine, I thank you and God bless you. This is to Bay: “SOMETIMES THE GREATEST COMFORT IS TO BE WRAPPED SECURELY IN MEMORIES OF YOU BAY. LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU. YOUR OLD LADY.” Kim, my feathers are nubs. I still need this group. Thanks for the help, Anna.

In my opinion, this describes what St. Joseph Hospice and Kim offers us:

WHEN A PROBLEM CANNOT BE FIXED BY MONEY, TIME OR EFFORT. THEN HOLD A HAND AND LISTEN TO THE WORDS OF A BROKEN HEART.

THANKS KIM.

by Anna Ford

“Please Just Sit Here With Me…”

Sometimes it is difficult to figure out just how to support a loved one who is experiencing grief. You would really just like someone to tell you exactly what they need from you. This little poem does just that. The writer is honest with the intended audience, letting the reader know, not only what she needs, but what she doesn’t need.
Is there someone in your life who wants to support you but seems confused as to how best to do that? How about you do just as the writer of the poem and let her know what you need and what you don’t need? An example would be: “When I am talking about my pain, I need you just to listen. I don’t need you to ‘fix it’ or to think that you need to take the pain away. I just want you to acknowledge what I am telling you and accept me where I am.”
If you need assistance in figuring out just how to have a conversation with someone in your support network, please don’t hesitate to call or e-mail me (Kim) at 504-734-0140 or stjosephnober@yahoo.com.

Copyright (Except Graphic) © 2014 by Kim Smith

A New Chapter Begins

Yesterday, the office of St. Joseph Hospice changed locations. Although we only moved down the hallway, from Ste 155 to 145, it has still brought about many grief responses. As we have been contemplating this move for the last month, I personally have experienced what many have termed “anticipatory grief,” as I have reminisced about the broad range of experiences which have happened in that space, thought about the move itself and the challenges presented, and looked into the future, trying to imagine future events in our new space. Many of you who are reading this blog can probably relate to those anticipatory grief responses, since you may have experienced similar reactions while your loved one was ill.

You may remember, anticipatory grief has a 3-part time focus: past, present, and future.

¨ PAST: Reminiscing about all the activities your loved one was able to participate in before (i.e., coaching baseball, singing in the choir) that your loved one will no longer be able to do.

¨ PRESENT: Dealing with the day-to-day losses as they may occur (i.e., loss of independence, relationships, identity), with the knowledge that these losses are often irreversible.

¨ FUTURE: Sadness at the thought of future activities (i.e., wedding, graduation) in which your loved one will not be able to participate.

For our St. Joseph Hospice staff, as may be with you, the anticipatory grief is behind us, but there is still much grief to process. During the days, weeks and months ahead, we will look back and remember. Yet, at the same time, we will  look ahead and dream of what the next chapter may hold. What might your next chapter hold?

Copyright © 2014 by Kim Smith.

“Tears Fall Because the Heart Can No Longer Handle the Pain.”

I don’t know about you, but I am surely thankful for the ability to cry. When I ran across this quote a few weeks ago, I was reminded of just how thankful. I think about my own life and the many times I have felt so emotionally full I felt as though I would implode. In those moments, I longed for some sort of relief. Sometimes the relief came without any prompting by me, when I ran across something or someone which gently (or not so gently) pricked my heart, and the tears began to flow, and sometimes to pour out in buckets. Other times, I felt as though I was emotionally plugged up and there seemed to be no relief in sight. In those times, I have learned to “prime the pump” by using something such as a movie which stirs me emotionally to bring about a release. When the flow begins, I have found the tears continue to flow until the pressure inside is released.

If you are in a place where you feel as though your “heart can no longer handle the pain,” and yet the tears seemed to be stuck inside you, consider pulling out emotionally emotive items, either ones which specifically remind you of your loved one or something which is generically emotive (“The Way We Were” always does it for me). If you need further assistance, please don’t hesitate to e-mail me (stjosephnober@yahoo.com) or call me (504-734-0140).

Graphic separate source, Writing Copyright © 2014 by Kim Smith.

Misconception: “After Someone You Love Dies, The Goal Should Be to ‘Get Over’ Your Grief As Soon As Possible.”

Our August seminar topic deals with some of the many misconceptions bereaved have encountered regarding the grief process. The step graphic reminded me of one of those misconceptions. One of the frequent questions we receive is "how long is 'this' going to take?" We live in what some term a "microwave society." We want what we want, and we want it yesterday. Our days are so focused on how much we can get done and how fast we can do it all. Speed is our goal.
No wonder we run across a grief misconception based upon this same philosophy: "After someone you love dies, the goal should be to 'get over' your grief as soon as possible." Have you ever watched a track meet, possibly during the Olympics? If you have, you know there is a world of difference between the 100 meter dash (a sprint event), and a marathon (26.2 mile run). Well, grief is not a sprint, although many want it to be. It seems that the philosophy of many is: "I will run really fast and really hard for a short amount of time, and 'it' will be over." That may work in a 100 meter dash but grief experienced after the death of a loved one does not work that way. Grief is much more like a marathon. In order to work through your grief, you will have to be persistent, realizing some steps will be tougher than others. Just like a marathon, you may feel at times you have "hit a wall." Instead of a wall of physical exhaustion, this wall may be more of the emotional kind. You may have a day when you say, "These emotions are so overwhelming. I just can't do this." And yet, you can and you will. You will press through the emotional "wall," and you will continue on your grief journey. So take it, “One Step at a Time, One Day at a Time, One Hour at a Time.”

Copyright © 2014 by Kim Smith

Social Event for Thursday, September 18, 2014

On Thursday, September 18, 2014, St. Joseph Hospice will host our “Haven of Hope” social event for the adult children of our St. Joseph Hospice patients. You are invited to attend this bi-monthly event, designed specifically to create a connection between the adult children of our St. Joseph Hospice patients. This is a social group, and NOT a support group, although you should feel a sense of support as a result of the social interaction.

For each meeting, we will provide a light meal (i.e., finger sandwiches w/dessert and coffee/tea/water). No registration needed.

For more information, please call Kim at (504) 734-0140 or contact via e-mail at stjosephnober@yahoo.com.

TIME: 6pm-7:30pm

LOCATION:

St. Joseph Hospice & Palliative Care

824 Elmwood Park Blvd. Ste. 145

New Orleans, LA 70123

“Staying Healthy through Your Grief” by Coralease C. Ruff, RN, PhD (Webinar by The Compassionate Friends)

Social Events for September 17, 2014

• “Heart2Heart Connections” for Widows – Wednesday, September 17, 2014, from 10am-11:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., NOLA, LCCU Conference Room #140
• “Coffee & Handshakes” for Widowers – Wednesday, September 17, 2014, from 10am-11:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., Ste 145, NOLA, St. Joseph Bereavement Office