Upcoming Seminar on Monday, April 13: “Is What I Am Feeling ‘Normal’?”

This seminar has been designed to provide participants education regarding the psychological, social, and physical effects of grief. As grievers, we tend to be caught off guard by the variety of emotions we may experience and the intensity of those emotions. No two people process the death of a loved one the same way, but knowing how grief has and continues to affect others can sometimes help normalize what one is experiencing.

When?—April 13 from 6pm-7:00pm.

Where?--LCCU Conference Room (#140) Louisiana Central Credit Union Building at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.

A New “Creation” from the Broken Pieces?

I ran across this quote a few weeks back, and I have been meditating on it ever since: “All of us get broken in some way, but what really matters is how we get back up and put the pieces back together.” Do you agree with this statement?

I have been thinking about the meaning of brokenness and here are some of my thoughts. Have you ever tried to piece back together something which has been shattered? Last summer, one of my sweet neighbors made a monumental effort to painstakingly glue back together a piece of artwork which had been shattered. No matter how careful he was in the process, we could still see the places of brokenness.

Might the same concept apply to emotional brokenness? You can do all possible to put the pieces of your life back together as you knew them before the heartbreak (i.e., death of a loved one, breakup of a relationship), but there is no possible way you will ever be the same. So, what do you do? Do you toss your hands in the air and say “what’s the use in trying?”

Or, maybe, just maybe, you can take a different approach. Last year, I was watching an HGTv backyard landscaping show. The young lady was trying to create an oasis from what had been more like a desert. Of all the projects she undertook, one struck me and has remained with me to this day. She “repurposed” a piece of broken pottery. Instead of trying to put the piece back together as it had originally been, she went a totally different direction and took the broken pieces and made beautiful creation. I can’t find the exact creation, but if you go to this article, “How to Turn Broken Ceramics Into Art,” you will see an example.

I think the same concept can be applied to brokenness in our lives. We struggle so hard to put the pieces back as we had them before, all the while knowing that we will never be the same as we were before the loss occurred. Instead of trying to focus on restoring what has been broken, might we instead allow ourselves to dream of a new creation and take the broken pieces and make something new.

Copyright © 2015 by Kim Smith

 

“But I’m Not Going to Ever Get Over You”

A question I am sometimes asked is, “Am I ever going to “get over” this?” The person is usually referring to the pain of the grief which comes from missing a loved one. In tribute to his brother, Blake Shelton, along with wife Miranda Lambert, wrote a song entitled, “Over You.” In the song, there is a line which could be a mantra for most all who are bereaved: “But I’m Not Going to Ever Get Over You.” I am often told by my bereaved, who are 2-3 years along in their grief journey, something similar to this:

“I will never ‘get over’ my grief (or my loved one), but I have learned to live with it and incorporate the loss into my life. I will always miss him, but I have come to a place where I am living life again. My life would be so much better with him physically here with me, but instead I carry him with me in my heart, as I make the choice to live the life I have now and enjoy those who are here with me for this part of my life journey.”

Copyright © 2015 by Kim Smith

“We’re Coming Home” in 2015---Well, We Thought That Would Be the Case, but Much Has Changed

On Feb. 5, I posted a blog entitled "We're Coming Home" in 2015 regarding our semi-annual Memorial Service, and that was our plan at the time. However, much has changed since then. As a result of the anticipation of an increased number of families participating, Grace Lutheran Church is going to allow us to again host our June and December Memorial Services in their facility.  The June 6, 2015 service for St. Joseph Hospice families whose loved ones die(d) on our service between Oct. 1, 2014 and March 31, 2015. Invitations are scheduled to be mailed to families around mid-April. Included in this service will be families whose loved ones died on River Region Hospice during the last few months also, but the specific dates are yet to be determined. Stay tuned for more information about this special event. 

You may be reading this blog and your loved one died in previous years and you chose not to participate in the service at that time for a number of reasons. I want to give you a special invitation to our June service. If that is you, please e-mail me at ksmith@stjosephhospice.com or call me at 504-734-0140 and request a special invitation be sent to you and we will include your loved one in our celebration service.

“Fragile Heart,” Handle With Care!

When we have a broken limb, it is usually obvious to others, because we have some sort of protective covering (i.e., splint, sling). This covering not only holds the affected part in place so it can hopefully heal properly, but it also serves as a reminder to others to be careful not to do more harm by handling without caution.

If you are reading this blog, you may very well have a “Fragile Heart” as Yolanda Adams sings about in the video below. You may wish there was some outer marking which would be visible to others, such as “Handle [My Heart] With Care.” Such a sign would alert those with whom you come in contact to the fact your heart is hurting and to your increased sensitivity during this season. Since we don’t have a sign such as that (if you want to market one, please let me know), we will have to rely on our verbal abilities. When someone begins to tread in a sensitive area of our heart, we need to tell them and specify the boundary lines. You may think: “Well, she should know better than to say….” This may be true, but many times people are oblivious to the harm their tongues can inflict, and we as grievers may need to explain to them the danger in what they are saying. If you would like some tips on having conversations such as these with those around you, please e-mail me (ksmith@stjosephhospice.com) or call me (Kim, 504-734-0140).

Copyright © 2015 by Kim Smith

Social Event for Thursday, March 19, 2015

On Thursday, March 19, 2015, St. Joseph Hospice will host our “Haven of Hope” social event for the adult children of our St. Joseph Hospice patients. You are invited to attend this bi-monthly event, designed specifically to create a connection between the adult children of our St. Joseph Hospice patients. This is a social group, and NOT a support group, although you should feel a sense of support as a result of the social interaction.
For each meeting, we will provide a light meal (i.e., finger sandwiches w/dessert and coffee/tea/water). No registration needed.
For more information, please call Kim at (504) 734-0140 or contact via e-mail at ksmith@stjosephhospice.com.

TIME: 6pm-7:30pm

LOCATION:

St. Joseph Hospice & Palliative Care

824 Elmwood Park Blvd. Ste. 155

New Orleans, LA 70123

Social Events on Wednesday, March 18, 2015

• “Heart2Heart Connections” for Widows – Wednesday, March 18, 2015, from 10am-11:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., NOLA, LCCU Conference Room #140
• 
• “Coffee & Handshakes” for Widowers – Wednesday, March 18, 2015, from 10am-11:30am at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd., Ste 145, NOLA, St. Joseph Bereavement Office

When There Are Unresolved Issues: “What I Wish I’d Said” or “What I Wish I Hadn’t Said”

A few years ago, country group Rascal Flatts recorded a song entitled, “What Hurts the Most.” Although these lyrics were written about a relationship in which one of the parties walks away from the relationship intentionally, I see how these lyrics might also be applied to the death of a loved one, especially the death of someone with whom you have unresolved issues. Here are the lyrics from the chorus:

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do (Accessed online at http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rascalflatts/whathurtsthemost.html)

The writer goes on to say:

But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken.

How about you? Are you battling with regrets of “what I wish I’d said” or “what I wish I hadn’t said”? From my professional experience, regrets can be one of the biggest hurdles when one is walking through the grief journey. If you are struggling with “what I wish I’d said” or “what I wish I had’t said” thoughts, and you just don’t seem to be able to let those thoughts go, don’t hesitate to e-mail me (ksmith@stjosephhospice.com) or call me (504-734-0140) for an appointment so that we can further discuss this issue.