Monday, June 29, 2015

“They Say Time Heals All Wounds…”

they say time heals all woundsLast year, I wrote a blog post on the fallacy that time heals all wounds. Yet, I had never run across the quote to the right until moments ago.  I would love your comments regarding the validity of the author’s reasoning. Do you agree, disagree, or partially agree? What has been your personal experience?

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Upcoming Seminar on Monday, July 13: “Griefbursts: What They Are and How to Deal With Them”

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This seminar has been designed to explain the phenomena of “griefbursts” or “grief attacks.” They are sudden, sharp feelings of grief that can cause anxiety and pain, w

hich may seem to come out of nowhere. Griefbursts are a normal, yet disconcerting, part of the grief process. We will discuss how to recognize them, but even more about how to deal with them when they occur.

When?—July 13 from 6pm-7pm

Where?--LCCU Conference Room (#140) Louisiana Central Credit Union Building at 824 Elmwood Park Blvd.


Monday, June 22, 2015

The Capacity to Grieve

What do you think of the statement, “The capacity to grieve is as much a part of us as the capacity to love”? Do you agree or disagree? Why or why not?

Capacity-to-grieve

I definitely agree. From my observations of human nature, from the very young to the not so young, I see the natural response to experience grief when someone with whom you have an emotional tie is absent. For instance, this grief reaction may occur in a toddler within moments of when he has last seen his loved one. All he knows is that he wants the person and she is not in his grasp, and he has yet to reach the understanding that the person will return or he will return to her. His reaction to his perceived loss is as natural as the love he has placed in the person.

Often I’m asked about children and grief. Do little ones grieve? My response is always the same: “If they are old enough to love, they are old enough to grieve.” Yes, there grief response may look very different from that of an adult, but they will mourn their loss in their own way on and on their own level. for some information about children’s grief reactions, follow this link to “Children’s Grief Responses” by Dr. Mary M. Lyles.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

“Tears in Heaven” by Eric Clapton

Until moments ago, I had never heard the full story behind Eric Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven,” written as an expression of his grief regarding the death of his 4 1/2 year old son. If you would like to see it, I have put the video below the music video.

No matter whose death you might be mourning, “Tears in Heaven” can be a song which will touch you where you are in your pain. However, if your loss was of a child, this song will be especially for you.

A few of the lyrics describe the types of questions I have heard from our bereaved, no matter who they have lost:

“Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?”

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?”

These lyrics are especially comforting to many:

“Beyond the door,
There's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven.”

Monday, June 15, 2015

When Father’s Day Is Challenging

As this Father’s Day is approaching, I know the emotions inside of many of you have been stirring. You walk into a pharmacy or a department store and you are hit in the face by cards and gift ideas. You drive down the road and see a sign which says, “Hey Pop.” TV Commercials? Hallmark Movies? The Father’s Day reminders are everywhere this time of year, and those reminders are good and comforting for many. Yet, these reminders can be painful to others. Maybe you are an adult child missing your dad. You could be a mother who is missing the father of her children. You could even be a father who is missing your child (If this last one is you, the next blog post will be specifically designed with you in mind.)

In my opinion, “Dance with My Father” is one of the most heartfelt songs ever written regarding the death of a father. Grab a tissue or two before you watch, and allow the song to touch your heart. If you need someone to talk with during this emotional time, please don’t hesitate to call me (Kim) at 504-734-0140 or e-mail me at ksmith@stjosephhospice.com.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Father’s Day Edition: Lessons Learned (2015 Posting)

“My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.” ~

Clarence Budington Kellandclip_image002

You’ve probably heard it said that “lessons are better caught than taught.” What lessons did you “catch” from your father and how could you put one or more of those lessons into practice this Father’s Day?

Lesson Learned: ___________________________________________________________________

How I Will Begin Applying This Lesson: ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


Monday, June 8, 2015

Father’s Day Edition: “What Can I Do to Honor My Dad’s Memory This Father’s Day?” (2015 Posting)

Father’s Day is a special day in American culture...a day set aside to honor our fathers and/or those who have filled that father-role in our lives. Traditionally, this is a day of celebration, but for many each year, the day is one more reminder that our earthly fathers are no longer with us.

clip_image002Just like the other “special” days in the calendar year, please consider making a plan for how you will spend this Father’s Day. The following ideas were part of an article on Neil Chetnik’s (author of FatherLoss: How Sons Deal with the Deaths of Their Dads) website, www.fatherloss.com. (Note: These ideas could also be adapted & used for other “special” days.)

  • Be a mentor to a child whose father has died or who has no father in his life.
  • Write a Father's Day card focusing on the things that you loved or appreciated about your dad.clip_image002[4]
  • Wear an article of your father's clothing.
  • If your father loved music, spend an hour listening to his favorite album.
  • If your dad loved wood-working, use his saws, hammer and wood to build something simple or begin a new project.
  • Cook your father's favorite meal for your family or friends.
  • Read one of the books that your father loved.
  • Donate some money to your father's favorite cause.
  • Contact a current father-figure in your life whom you admire and tell him so.
  • If you are a father, focus on being the best father you can be to your children.

clip_image002[6]I hope these suggestions have been helpful, but if you feel that you or someone you care about needs additional support, has questions about what he/she is experiencing, or would like information about services available to him/her, please don’t hesitate to call me at (504) 734-0140 or e-mail Kim at ksmith@stjosephhospice.com.


Friday, June 5, 2015

Books to Assist With Father Loss (Father's Day Edition 2015)

FOR SONS:clip_image002
  • FatherLoss: How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Deaths of Their Dads by Neil Chetnik
  • When Your Father Dies: How a Man Deals with the Loss of His Father by Dave Veerman & Bruce Barton
FOR DAUGHTERS:
  • Fatherless Women: How We Change After We Lose Our Dads by Clea Simon

Monday, June 1, 2015

“When the Last Teardrop Falls” by Blaque

As I search the internet for different topics regarding the grief journey, I am overwhelmed by the number of songs which have been written about loss. They vary, not only in lyrics, but also in the manner in which the soundtrack can move you. I just listened to one which seemed almost like a “funeral dirge” and then I came upon this one which for me was more hopeful. Although the writer acknowledges that even when the emotional pain lessens, the memories will always remain.

“When the last teardrop falls
I'll still be holdin' on to all of our memories
And all of what used to be


When the last teardrop falls
I will stand tall
And know that you're here with me in my heart
When the last tear drop falls”

(Accessed online at http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/blaque/whenthelastteardropfalls.html)