“Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall, All You’ve Got to Do Is Call and I’ll Be There. You’ve Got a Friend.”

No matter what your preferred musical genre, I can’t imagine that anyone reading this blog will not recognize the words above to be from James Taylor & Carole King’s classic song, “You’ve Got a Friend.” With almost 6 million views of Taylor’s 1971 performance of this song, I think it is safe to say that this song has struck a chord in the hearts of many of us.

Although friendship means something different to each of us, our relationships with friends are of importance to all of us, and to many, an essential part of our support system. So, just what happens when you experience what has been termed “Friendloss”? Although we may “lose” friends by means of interpersonal conflicts or emotional distance, for the purpose of this blog post, we will be focusing on the “Friendloss” we experience due to the physical death of a friend.

The death of a close friend presents some unique challenges that other losses may not. In Carol Luebering’s “Grieving the Loss of a Good Friend” she explores these challenges. “When your friend died, it was the friend’s family who received the cards, the casseroles, the condolence notes. The family occupied the front rows at the funeral, leaving the rest of the church to everyone else. Your employer would have given you time off to bury a family member, but you probably went to your friend’s funeral on your own time. No one will call to ask how you’re doing a few weeks after the death or invite you over for the holidays the first year. If you produce a sudden flood of tears, they will be met by an awkward silence from others.”

Because the death of a friend is such a unique loss and one that is rarely supported adequately in our culture, you may need to reach out for support through new avenues. Please know that you can find support through the St. Joseph Hospice Bereavement Program. Our support groups, seminars and memorial services are open to friends of our St. Joseph patients, as well as our individual and counseling in groups (whether those groups be made up of family members and/or friends). You DO NOT have to walk this grief journey all alone!